Everytime I watch Skins I have this empty, hollow feeling in me that makes me want to both stop and continue watching it. It's really kind of sad than it actually seems, does that makes sense?
Tuesday, February 21
,11:10 PM
Title:
Now the haze has ascended, it don't make no sense anymore
Sunday, February 19
,1:58 AM
Title:
Laneway and Will and The People got me a bit depressed realising what I'm not and if I'll ever be able to be that but a light at the end of a tunnel came to me in the form of a simple realisation - that I have actually managed to achieve a couple of things.
I mean, I graduated from secondary school a year ago, with absolutely nothing but my goals. I didn't even know in details what exactly my goals were - I just knew that it involves writing, England, and that I would like to go for more concerts.
Fast forward to a year later and I have
1. Joined Fever Avenue
2. Become a sub-editor (not that I'm any good at it, in fact I really suck at being one but the point is that I have that on my namecard)
3. Have a blooming namecard!
4. Interviewed around 10 international bands (Never in my entire life have I ever imagined that happening to me at 17 years old)
5. Seen over 20 bands live, with about 7 of them being on my favourites list, all for free just because I'm under the media (which is still pretty new and cool to me now)
6. Had a freaking backstage pass to Laneway. I was entitled to all the press cons and to see all the bands about 5cm away from my face. Last year during Laneway I was at home being a loser for god sake!
7. Liased with event promoters
8. Learnt a whole load about publication sites and how it all works (shit I have absolutely no clue about before I joined FA. Didn't even know they went through such procedures)
9. Have a clearer view of what I would really like to major in
10. Worked with so many white people, majority of them being British (hahaha)
11. Hugged two british boys (not just any boys too, musicians that look like they were off Skins)!!!!
But all jokes aside, I mean seriously, all these at 17! Of course anyone can easily say that they could have done it too, and they probably could and would have been better than me too, but they didn't do it and I did. I mean sure, FA is no Straits Times, but all of these are things that matter to me, and they happened! I have NEVER in my wildest dreams thought it would happen to me at so young either.
I was thinking a few days back how I should probably give up on being a writer because I don't seem to have a natural flair in writing anymore (or maybe I never really had it in the first place) but so what? So I'm not as sociable and outgoing as I am in my head, so I don't give off an impression I would have liked to give off to people, so my vocabulary isn't flowery enough, so my language may not have been as fluent as I had always thought it has been, so I still mispronounce certain words (I FULLY BLAME THE ENGLISH EDUCATION SYSTEM HERE FOR THAT) but screw that, I've managed to achieve waaaay more than I had expected to achieve in a year and who's to say what more I will achieve in the future? You can always improve yourself. Read more, speak more, edit more, whatever. I still have my whole life ahead of me anyway!
And all these just leads to further evidence on a theory I think I came up with but may have been inspired subconsciously from things I've read - If you really want it, you'll eventually get it. And if you don't get it, you probably didn't really want it in the first place.
Of course there's God and I'm still not sure if it's wrong in my religion to believe in the Universal Law but I kind of believe in it anyway, to thank for giving all these opportunities to me. It's true that you don't have to work really hard, but whenever there's a window of opportunity that promises something you want, take that leap, however big it is. That's all the effort you need, and sometimes that's the biggest and scariest. You obviously can't stay put and wait for something to magically bring you to wherever it is that you want to be.
I graduated knowing I wanted to write, but I didn't know what about, where about, hell I didn't even know the industry properly then. But two Poly sems and 5 months at FA later, I have officially realised that I love being an Entertainment writer. Life somehow took all the things I love and collaborated it into the form of an Entertainment writer, something of which the fundamentals I wasn't initially clear about.
Well, not somehow of course. Me joining FA was all thanks to my brother (I really have a lot to thank him for). It was fate I think, because on the same day he proposed the idea to me I just found out I got fired from my ice cream job and I wouldn't have considered joining FA then if I had a job. I was terribly scared too of joining FA, I wasn't sure if I could handle it and if I was good enough yada yada the things people try to find excuses with but somehow I went for the interview and I did it.
I give absolutely no care or concern that I don't get paid to write for FA neither do I see working in FA as a waste of my time. All the things I've learnt and seen are worth more than money ever would. People should do things because they're passionate about it anyway, not because they're driven by money.
I am so thankful I am who I am because to be honest I don't really want to be anyone else with their different set of values, beliefs, way of life and ambitions. I like wanting what I want, if that makes sense. This may not even be that big an achievement to everybody else, but this have been a few large steps that are headed in the right direction for me.
...So perhaps I might get whatever it is that I want in life. Maybe it'll take some time, maybe it'll take a few disappointments, but I believe it will happen someday.
I'm typing this at 2.40 in the morning and I'm not even bothered with the fact that this is horribly written and that there probably are a million grammatical errors in it because I just want to get all this positivity out before it (hopefully not) fades off.
Good job Shereen, anything is possible if you really want it. I have never thought of this, not even to myself, but I am honestly quite proud of myself right now.
Monday, February 6
,11:39 PM
Title:
Can I be a musician already? The bassist is so fucking cool...missed them in TPP when I had the blooming tickets.
Also it probably would be okay to say that Jack Steadman is running for president in my heart against Alex Turner. The monkeys are getting a bit too american for my liking (still love them though) but Bombay Bicycle Club is still frolicking around the outskirts of success...which is just the way I like it. Not to mention, I've already interviewed Jamie and watched the band live. My life is kinda amazing (in that aspect).
Tuesday, January 31
,6:01 PM
Title:
I started watching Shameless US because I was bored and it was alr on my laptop thanks to Collin. Watched the UK version but didn't really like it but the US one was so so so much better contrary to my popular belief of british products being the best.
Anyway I've come to the end of season 1 of shameless and I am hopelessly and shamelessly in love with it. Hell, I'm in love with Lip. He's so intense and intelligent and badass at the same time it's so sexxxy. Also, I remember reading from the UK's version that Fiona's gonna leave soon, can't quite rmb if it'll be in s1 or 2, but she hasn't leave yet so I'm hoping they've stopped adapting to the UK's version because it'll be horrible if fiona leaves the family. Should have known better than to get attached to a fuckin tv show
So many errors in those two paragraphs but I really can't be bothered. I have one essay for school and 1239573y9243752 million articles to write for FA but I haven't start on any and fuck I don't know
Sunday, January 29
,7:11 PM
Title:
Walked through a private neigbourhood in Westlake Avenue in an attempt to feel....god knows what. Went to MacRitchie for school and had to let Shobs go off first before walking in. I couldn't figure out what I was trying to reminisce or feel, but either which would have been equally pathetic. I was void of all emotions ironically, and if anything, I walked out of that place more depressed than ever. On the bright side, I did see a house that intrigued me, but that's a bit contradictory too. I don't seem to have a reason for half of the things I do these days.
